Titty and the Order of the Gingers
by figgly wiggly woo
Summary: The life and lies of Titty, hermiones idiotic clumsy cousin pairoings to come! very funny!


Disclaimer: I do not own anything am in fact a dumbarse so please be kind and review later on or the mental institute wont let me back on the computer

Disclaimer: I do not own anything am in fact a dumbarse so please be kind and review later on or the mental institute wont let me back on the computer!!

'Where have you two been?' Demanded Hermione Granger as her best friends joined her at the Gryffindor table. Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley took seats opposite her. They were relived to notice that they hadn't missed the entire of the sorting, not to mention the traditional feast.  
'It's a long story Hermionem' began Harry. 'Me and Ron got in a very sticky situation. It started in my bedroom.'  
'Go on,' blushed Hermione.  
'My uncle locked in me in my room and refused to let me return to Hogwarts! I tried to scare him into letting me out by whipping out my wand, but he's a lot bigger than me.'  
Herione looked at Harry sympathetically. 'Oh how awful, you must have felt very inadequete!'  
'Don't worry, Ron, Fred and George appeared at my window in a flying car and flew me to the Burrow. You really should visit Hermione, Mrs. Weasley welcomes everyone to her Burrow!'  
'It's forever warm and cosy in there,' piped up Ron.  
'Yes thank you Ron, but that doesn't explain why you missed the Hogwarts Express. I swear the tunnels that the train entered were a tighter squeeze this time, I was worried we wouldn't fit in,' said Hermione seriously.  
'We made it to platform nine and three-quarters, but when we ran into the wall it just wouldn't let us through. We rammed as hard as we could but it was like your tunnel Hermione. We just couldn't through! So we decided to fly the car here instead.' Harry grinned with satisfaction. Hermione looked scandalized. 'Don't worry Hermione. No one saw us. No one except Professor Dumbledore, but we hit him with the car in the entrance hall.' He looked up at the staff table. Dumbledore was sitting there calmly, twirling his magnificanlty straightened hair.  
Ron was staring at the dazed expression on the headmasters face too. 'I think we knocked him a bit queer as my great aunt Muriel would say. He seems to have forgotten all about the incident already!'  
Hermione opened her mouth to protest but was interupted by a pair of loud cheers from further down the table. It was Fred and George Weasley who had caused the racket. 'Look at the mangos on her!' cried Fred.  
'Isn't that the one we saw on the train Fred? The one Hermione said was her cousin?' enquired George. They were addressing a first year heading towards the sorting hat. Indeed she was carrying a large pair of mangos, which Professor McGonagall promptly confiscated from her. McGonagall was clearly surprised at what the mangos had been hiding, as once she saw the girls abnormally large breasts, she fell backwards off the platform and broke her neck.  
Professor Dumbledore stood up from his chair, nonplussed, and clicked his fingers twice in front of his face, saying 'Madame Pomfrey babes, do yo thang girlfriend.' The matron got to her feet and strode towards McGonagall. She kicked her sharply in the neck, just for a laugh, before cracking the broken neck bones back into place.  
'Much better,' said McGonagall, her voice suddenly Welsh. She stood up, gave Pomfrey a scathing glare, then placed the sorting hat on the young girls head.  
It boomed, 'Joanna Titty! HUFFLEPUFF!!' Joanna promptly headed for the Hufflepuff table, a large grin fixed firmly across her face. Moments later she tripped over her own breast. Almost every male ran to her aid with the exception of Harry, Fred, George, Draco Malfoy and Albus Dumbledore, who was busy reapplying his mascara. It had run due to him laughing so hard at Joanna tripping over her breast.  
Next up on the platform was a a boy with bright ginger hair. Ron looked at Harry, embarressed, and said 'That's my cousin, but don't tell anyone!'  
McGonagall placed the sorting hat on the boys head and it boomed, 'Liam Weasley... You're a puff too!!' The Hufflepuffs applauded and welcomed him to their table. Joanna gave him a large hug and he vanished. It became Professor Flitwicks job to prod around in Joanna's breast with his wand, casting a charm to find Liam.  
'Miss Titty, I believe your breasts are jinxed!' Announced McGonagall in her new accent. Joanna meremly grinned.


End file.
